No Complaints!
May 04, 2012 20:38

The past few months have been among the most enjoyable parts of my life here in the Berkshires. I have come to terms with my shortcomings, and learned to own and embrace them. I am never going to be perfect, life is never going to be in order, and there is no use trying to control all aspects of my life. Letting go, finding the humour, relaxing and acceptance about life and problems makes life much easier. When life is easy, it is difficult not to be happy. :)

Some days, I am tired, other days I have a ton of energy. Despite how I feel, energy-wise, I am being more deliberate about all of the choices I make. How I dress, how I carry myself, what I put in my mouth, how I speak, what I do — all of it, I am making sure that it fits the overall image of how I envision myself. My friends are the greatest people ever, whether or not I am regularly in touch with them. Perhaps the biggest change I have seen in myself the past few months has been that I actually really being approachable and repeatedly putting myself out there. I have done this in the past, irregularly, and it never really worked out well for me. Two, three years ago, I lacked the confidence, self-awareness and outlook that I have now. There was nothing really wrong with me — I was certainly cool back then, but I did not necessarily believe it as I do now. It is weird that I am growing up, that I am coming into my own — and I do wonder if I am still a little stunted because most people have had a solid 4 years of believing in their awesomeness by the time they hit 26… and here I am, and maybe only 18 months has passed where it is been unquestionably obvious to me that I am fantastic. But who cares how long it has taken, or what age this occurred at… the fact that it happened is really what matters.

I have gone on a couple… I guess “dates” with a guy I met on-line. He seems alright enough, but sometimes I cannot decide if he is weird or what’s up. He is smart, kinda nerdy, and a chatterbox. He is easy to get along with because he is outgoing. I definitely think that he is interested in me, but I do not know how interested I am in him. I did tell him that I was not sure how I felt about him, because I don’t want to lead him on, but I do wonder. As I feel right now, I do not know if I would be super attracted to him if he weren’t already into me. I do not feel any magic in my stomach or heart when I am around him, but sometimes this feeling grows in time. I wonder how many dates we can go on before my time expires, and I have to make a decision. I really do not like being exclusive with a person who I am not friends with first. If I do not know the individual very well, then how can I know that I prefer them above all others?!?! So, in the mean time, I am enjoying who I am, where I am, and what is going on. Life is good and I am sure that this situation will resolve itself somehow.

In another seven days, I am on an eleven day vacation. I really wish that I had given some thought to this about a month ago, because I really feel like going to Canada. Since that is out of the question, I am debating on going to Lake George or perhaps somewhere south for a few days. Even if it is a 3-day trip, I think that it will make me happy. A change in scenery is in order, and I have a ton of time coming to me. I am looking forward to June; in the beginning, I am going to Cape Cod for a few days, then I am working in New Hampshire for a week, then I am on vacation for my birthday (I plan on doing something special for myself — it’ll be my birthday!).

Until the mood strikes!…